Last year at about this time I took a retreat…all alone. Many wonderful things were shown to me and I received many magical gifts and lived many magical moments.
On my first day, a Grandfather Native American Spirit Guide came to me. I saw him standing, looking out over the red rocks as I drove around a corner. He introduced himself as “Big Paw”
There is much to tell around His presence with me, but yesterday one beautiful incident happened that I want to share here today.
When Big Paw accompanied me home, last April, 2013, he came as a Great Protector of my small child within, my innocence that deserves to live on. My innocence, my “little One” = “Desert Flower” appeared with a Grandmother shortly after my return home. In my minds eye I see them out in my yard where my fire pit is, in a small “house” of oak trees. Grandmother always sitting next to Desert Flower.. At first I really did not understand Grandmother and Dessert Flowers presence. I would “look out” to the fire pit (East) and there they would be…silent…not talking with me as Big Paw would. Just…allowing me to see them.
Then one day I looked out and not only were they a smidge closer to me but, Dessert Flower looked a bit older. I thought it odd. When I finally asked Big Paw about it, he brought me to the realization that Desert Flower was me. Thats all the information I got.
Then about 8 months ago I realized that Desert Flower had grown to adolescence and was closer still. So again I asked Big Paw what was happening and it came to me that every time I had allowed healing and integration for my wee self, my “Little One” ( as I like to call her ) she “grew” and she was getting closer to me. At that time I was also given to understand that when all was finally well for Little One she would stand in front of me, turn around to face the same direction as me, and step into me again…becoming more wholly me.
It has been so beautiful to watch. I have not done a thing to MAKE her grow, but have become aware of the healing taking place and how that is happening in all its, seemingly, little bits.
Not long ago she turned and we united again…she slipped beautifully into place and is so happy within as am I, her loving sister, her adoring mother….Her.
When on solo retreat this last two weeks, I again had an accelerated, beautiful time and many beautiful things happened…some easy, some very, very hard to look upon and go through.
One of the easier and most magical moments came in the plane while flying home. I was reading a beautiful and simple book called “ The Spirit of Indian Women” edited by Judith Fitzgerald and Michael O. Fitzgerald. As I turned to page 41 this is what I read ( keeping in mind i am 55 and am considered now a “Changing Woman”…and the exclamation mark is mine)
“When a Changing Woman gets to be a certain old age, she goes walking towards the east (!). After a while she sees herself in the distance looking like a young girl walking toward her. They both walk until they come together and after there is only one. She is like a young girl again” ( Apache Wisdom)
I bow with deep gratitude and respect To Divine Creator. I am Grateful for the strength to walk my path, even when others may not understand it, ridicule it and even fear it, thinking I am the one who is "lost"....for those who do, I gently invite you to Trust Divine One, Great Spirit, God...and let go. Shanti, Shanti, Shanti...Om, Peace and Amen.
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